Home Poetry THE DAYS I DIDN’T FEEL BEAUTIFUL

THE DAYS I DIDN’T FEEL BEAUTIFUL

by Alexa
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THE DAYS I DIDN’T FEEL BEAUTIFUL…
I’d sit in front of my vanity staring at zits embedded in the pores of my face, throwing oily parties and inviting friends with larger cups of sebum…


I let my disappointed stare linger on the details of my face. My nose which look slender in the false prints of my mirror only to look like a mole on a flawless skin in my selfies; the red lipstick that sits perfectly on every other girl’s lips except mine; my ears that would give an elephant’s a run for its money or was it my chubby cheeks that could never harbor cute dimples regardless of my countless beauty surgeries…


I want to wail and trash at the mirror but my attention is drawn to my hands that flail in the wind looking like they lack bones. I find faults with the shape of my once graceful self and I wonder how many more meals I’d have to skip to get the perfect trim size tummy…


I journey slowly to the land of low self-esteem and I boo myself for coming out all wrong…


‘Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’ they say, but I doubt even a bee holder would look twice in my direction…


I shut myself up for days, living off fruits and dumping every carb I find in the trash can. “It’s all for my Prince charming,’ I console myself quieting the hunger that revolted within clamoring for a thin slice of bread…


I rise up on the day when I finally think I’ll be beautiful again and I try on all the beauty products on my vanity table but nothing seems right on my body; not even the gorgeous blue dress he got me for our engagement party.
I let the tears drop as a wave of sorrow sends me running towards the lake…


I have heard of mermaids and how irresistible they are. I might have seen one on a lonely Saturday evening calling out to me to wade into the waters and take her hand. But thoughts of him and our pristine future together had held me away from all the promises that danced in her eyes. She was so beautiful; an ideal replica of all I wished to look like tonight…


Lowering myself slowly into the clear warm water, I laid and whispered to the pebbles that whimpered under my weight.
“Tell, oh, tell, that I may not meet him tonight looking like a disproportionate starved maid. I’ll take all her offers and more as I have lived too long in my hideous shell.”


I laid still in the waters and waited, becoming one with the warmness that tricked into my nostrils and replacing the air I had left.

I don’t know who or what you see in the mirror every day you stare into it but I know you are that ideal model of perfection. Do not give your body size, shape, or color the power to ruin this perfection I see. Even if the world doesn’t see it now, they will get to someday. So look around you, drag in a long breath of fresh air, relish the beauty that you are part of and bring your worries to a peaceful halt.

Early Morning Musings

Alexa_Writes

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